“It’s easier to have a baby than to raise one”. Now, as a man,  I know that’s easy for me to say, but I think Parenting has to be one of the toughest challenges in life. And while the baby/toddler years are probably the most tiring, each season has it’s own share of challenges.
 
There are a couple of Parenting quotes we really like: Here’s the first:
“We’re worried that we’re raising the kind of child that we don’t want our child to play with.”
 
And maybe you can relate to this one, “We thought God gave us kids is so that we could teach them. Now we realise that the reason God gave us kids is so that they could teach us.”  
 
And the Bible speaks pretty clearly too, in Proverbs, “Behold, the children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”

Parenting is not easy, especially in this culture today where there is so much destructive stuff outside the home influencing our children today, and yet the Bible promises great rewards for loving parents.

Unfortunately, today we see many young adults seeing what they can “get” out of life, instead of seeing how much they can “contribute” to life. It is so important to have a “hand-up” approach to parenting rather than a “hand-out” approach. In other words, rather than doing everything for them, and being everything to them, (as we see some parents doing, allowing their lives to revolve around their kids), instead we need to be teaching our children to do things for themselves. As parents, we need to be working your way out of a job.  Training them to be released one day, to make a difference.
 
So what are the keys to good parenting?    L et’s just touch on 5 key areas this morning:
 
The most critical thing is you must have a plan – a plan that you BOTH agree on.  Without any plan, you will find yourself “reacting” and not “responding” to circumstances that arise. You will lose control, get frustrated, and lose heart pretty quickly. We strongly suggest that you sit down together, thinking with the end in mind, and discuss what kind of adult you ultimately want to raise, agreeing on what values are important, and how best you are going to train those values into your child.  Both mum and dad need to be together on this.
 
Secondly, each child needs clear boundaries, that are consistently set and adhered to by both parents.  Consistency brings stability. Make your “Yes” mean yes and your “No” mean no.  Children quickly learn what they can get away with and if you’re slippery in this area, they will soon stretch your limits.
 
And then thirdly, you need to agree on a pre-determined discipline strategy, again that you both agree on, so that your boundaries can be reinforced. Make sure that any punishment you hand out has a direct correlation to the crime.  For example, it would be crazy to ban a child from using the computer for leaving his bike outside.  That doesn’t make sense. An appropriate discipline would be to confiscate his bike.  If you need a stronger punishment, then tell the child you know longer have the freedom to give him a ride to his events.  That he needs to find his own way there …
If you punish indiscriminately or recklessly, your child will soon begin to lie to you because they don’t want to get caught. Any discipline response from the parent needs to focus on them “learning” from their wrong behaviour.
 
Fourthly, affirm your child …often.  Tell them, and show them that you love them – unconditionally – especially when they blow it, or displease you.  Each child is longing to know he is loved, and that he is ok just the way his.  Remember, “A misbehaving child is often a discouraged child.”  And get this,  it’s the most “unloveable” that needs the most love – even though he doesn’t “deserve” it.  Instead of more discipline, the child that is constantly disobedient may need a hug, or we suggest an overnight date away with dad.  And be careful not to affirm your child purely on his performance, but on good character aspects such us doing his best, or for being honest.
 
And finally, be acutely aware that “how you live” is likely to be the greatest influence on your children.  What you model is going to influence them more than what you say.  Our children are looking for authenticity and integrity.  We are not perfect and our kids know it.  When we mess up , we need to own it, and apologise. When we blow it we must use it as an opportunity to teach them the importance of being willing to put things right, and learn from our mistakes.
 
Parenting is a high and holy calling, and can be one of the most rewarding assignments God gives us.  Our children are not a disruption to life but a vital ingredient in building the legacy that God wants you to enjoy, now and in your twilight years.   We don’t know about you but we’re looking forward to the day when our kids become parents themselves and they begin to learn what we’re learning now – because it seems awfully one-sided at present!

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